Never Again
by Em Kay Who
Summary: Never again. That's what they agreed. It could never happen again.


**A/N: Because I am having serious Nine feels. And sometimes life is rough and you need a Nine/Rose story to make yourself feel better. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or anything related. That all goes to the BBC.**

* * *

Never again.

That was their promise when it was all said and done.

They hadn't meant for it to happen. Obviously. But after the day they'd had, the hours they spent separated and locked away from each other, it was only natural that they would seek each other out. Seek each other's comfort.

It was well after Adam had been locked away in the room the TARDIS had deemed "his." A small shabby room with a fold-a-way cot and a small bedside table as it's only adornments. It was clear by his attitude towards her that the pretty boy was under the impression that Rose was some sort of "trophy companion." His bit of skirt on the side who had no real brains of her own. The Time Lord wasn't sure if Rose had picked up on that or not so, loathe to add to her insecurities, the Doctor promised himself that at their next stop he'd pull Rose aside and let her be the impressive one. It was as he was making himself that promise that he found Rose (who was clearly searching for him as well) in the library.

It was always his first stop when trying to find her. Over the months they'd been travelling together, the library had become their spot. Their safe haven. It started the night they'd met Dickens. After changing out of her period dress (much to the Doctor's dismay, though he'd never acknowledge it), Rose found the Doctor in the library pouring over some of Old Charlie Boy's most famous stories. She admitted to him then that she'd never been much of a reader and the few times it was required for school, she'd just bum the notes off someone else and fudge her way through it.

To say the Doctor had been shocked would have putting it lightly. He insisted right then and there that Rose sit down and begin her Charles Dickens lessons. Rose agreed (Of course she agreed, the Doctor used that wide smile he reserved just for her), but only if he'd read them to her. The Doctor accepted but insisted that they take turns reading. The two spent hours holed away in that library, it wasn't until Rose literally fell asleep mid sentence that the Doctor carried her off to bed. And so the library became their place. Two chair, side by side, became a large comfy sofa. The large comfy sofa, became a smaller, but equally comfy, settee. And eventually their small settee became a love seat that fit them both comfortably, but allowed for the perfect amount of snuggling.

It was on this love seat that the pair clung to each other. This time there was no reading. Instead the Doctor unloaded his burdens from the Time War. He told Rose everything, from his part in the creation of the Daleks to The Moment that caused him to end both his people and Daleks alike. The Doctor shed no tears as he told his tale, but Rose did. For him, for his people, for everyone involved, Rose cried and mourned. In turn, she apologised for touching the Dalek in the first place. She blamed herself for the deaths of everyone in that bunker in Utah. Their blood was on her hands and she knew it.

The Doctor was quick to reassure her of how very wrong she was. Showing compassion to a creature that was cruelly chained, imprisoned, and seemingly in pain was not wrong. It was not her fault that the creature happened to be one of the vilest, if not the most vile and hate filled beings in the multi-verse. It was the Dalek's fault, van Statten's fault, hell, even Adam's fault for allowing her to go to the Dalek in the first place. But never hers. Never Rose's fault. In response, Rose assured him of the very same thing. The Time War was not his fault. What he did to end it, was not his fault. The blame lay at so many other's feet, but never his. Never the Doctor's.

The Doctor remained silent, because what could he say? As much as he wanted to believe her, he knew he probably never would. In the same way, Rose would never fully stop feeling the guilt of those who died in that bunker. There would be nights, years down the road, that she would still wake up from nightmares involving those tragic deaths. Just as the Doctor would still dream of the Time War even after finding out, many years down the road, that it may have ended differently than he originally thought.

In the face of such quiet, Rose did the only thing she could think of to comfort the Doctor. She very lightly kissed his cheek.

The kiss was scalding to his naturally cool skin, but the Doctor found pleasure in the pain. He turned his head to meet her gaze. He wanted to know why she'd taken that step. The times they weren't holding hands were rare, they hugged constantly, and snuggled in the library even more. But they'd never kissed. It was an invisible line that neither had crossed before.

Until now.

Later, if asked, neither would be able to recall who moved next. All they knew was that one moment they were looking into each other's eyes and the next it was lips on lips. Hands frantically mapping out the other's body. They remembered that they mutually agreed that their tiny love seat in the library was no place for such actions and it was Rose who breathlessly suggested they find a bed.

It was the Doctor that lead them to his.

During the act, neither had a negative thought once. Not for one second did they think to stop. There was no regret. It wasn't until they both lay side by side, blissfully sated and panting for air, that the consequences of their actions fell upon them.

"We can't do this again."

"Course not."

"It's not that I didn't-"

"Me either!"

"Good. Because I did-"

"Me too."

"Good."

"Good."

"But you know why we can't?"

"Sure I do and I don't want to lose you."

"I can't lose you."

"You won't."

"That's why this can never happen again."

"Right."

"Besides, can't forget your boyfriend Rickey."

"Mickey's not my boyfriend."

"Does he know that?"

"..."

"Sorry."

"'S fine. You're right. I should have a talk with him at some point."

"Maybe leave this bit out."

"Most definitely! Cause it's not going to happen again, right?"

"Never again."

"Never again."

"Right."

"We're good, yeah?"

"We're fantastic."

* * *

The Doctor would later learn to never say never.

* * *

It was three Earth weeks later, after a harrowing and emotional trip to 1987, that the Doctor once again found Rose Tyler in the library. This time she had not sought him out. Instead, she seemed to be hiding from him. Of course, if she was really trying to hide, she should have picked a different spot, the Doctor reasoned as he made his inside. Without a word, he picked her curled up form from the love seat and carried her to her bedroom. When he tried depositing her onto her bed, she clung to him tightly, begging him not to leave her.

It took him five whole minutes before he realised that she didn't mean in her room.

Curling up beside her in bed, he whispered reassurances. He would never leave her. He could never leave her. He admitted that she'd been right. He had been jealous. He was hurt that she chose her dad over him, at least, that's how it felt. And he was terrified that that was the only reason she'd agreed to travel with him. So that Rose could save her dad. She was right. He was so lonely before he had her.

This only made Rose cry harder, because her heart ached for him constantly. She made a vow to herself the day they went for chips (their first date, her mind traitorously called it) that she would never leave him willingly. She would always, always be there for him. Rose promised him that she really truly hadn't planned to save her dad. It just... happened. It was like instinct. She was quick to assure him that she agreed to travel with him... to be with him. Space didn't matter. Time didn't matter. It was all him. She regretted saying no to him the first time the second the words left her lips. He could have come back and told her that his ship cluck like a chicken on command and she would have agreed to travel with him.

This broke the tension, and for the first time in hours, the Doctor laughed. With the mood slightly lighter, Rose apologised. She apologised for not listening to the Doctor. She apologised for yelling at him. She apologised for saving her dad. She apologised for killing the world. But she apologised most vehemently for killing him. The Doctor corrected her immediately. She didn't kill him. Rose wouldn't hear it. It was her actions that caused his death and she swore, she swore that it would never happen again. She would never by the reason the Doctor dies. If anything, she would be the reason that he lived. The Doctor just shook his head. There was no point in arguing with her. She was stubborn, his Rose. So instead, he made apologies of his own. It was his fault she was tempted to save her father in the first place. He never should have taken her to see her father's death. Scratch that, he never should have even taken her to her parent's wedding. That idea was just a whole bucket of bad.

The agreed to disagree on whose fault it was, because both blamed themselves and nothing could really change that fact.

It was in the silent seconds that followed that they realised the position they were in.

Somehow, amidst the tears and apologies, they had shifted from laying curled up next to each other, to the Doctor flat on his back with Rose draped across his chest, hands clenched in his jumper. The Doctor on his part, had one hand behind his head, while the other lay across her shoulders, playing with her hair. Still feeling small shudders running through Rose's body, the Doctor did the only thing her could think of to comfort her. He kissed the top of her head.

Her head immediately shot up. She could still feel the tingle on her scalp where his cool lips at touched her. The invisible line was being crossed again.

Later, if asked, neither would be able to recall who moved next. All they knew was that one moment they were looking into each other's eyes and the next it was lips on lips. Hands frantically mapping out the other's body. They remembered that they mutually agreed that his leather jacket had to go. It was Rose who decided his jeans should go with it.

It was the Doctor who pulled off hers as well.

During the act, neither had a negative thought once. Not for one second did they think to stop. There was no regret. It wasn't until they both lay side by side, blissfully sated and panting for air, that the consequences of their actions, once again, fell upon them.

"We really can't do this again."

"We said that last time."

"I mean it this time."

"I meant it that time."

"Me too."

"'S probably cause of everything that happened today. I was emotional. I lost you."

"Makes sense. And in a way, I lost you too."

"We just needed the assurance that the other is still here."

"That's clever. Well done."

"Is this the part where you tell me I'm wrong?"

"Nope. I think you're spot on."

"Oh."

"Is that alright?"

"Course! Just surprised is all."

"You shouldn't be."

"Kay."

"Rose, you know-"

"I know."

"Good."

"And you know, right?"

"I do."

"Good."

"So, we agree, this can never happen again? For real this time."

"Yep. Never ever again."

* * *

Rose would later learn to never say never ever.

* * *

Of course, never again happened several more times.

It happened after they visited London in 1924. It happened after landing on Justicia and being separated. It happened after they witnessed the Glass Pyramid of San Kaloon being built. It happened one more time after Rose "accidentally" married a caveman.

The most prominent time was after a trip to World War 2. A trip that involved a little boy with a gas mask permanently attached to his face, searching for his mummy. A trip that involved a Union Jack splashed across Rose's chest as she hung from a barrage balloon in the middle of a London air raid. A trip that involved a con man named Captain Jack Harkness. A trip that involved sarcasm, flirting, dancing, and talks of..._ dancing_.

A trip where everyone lived. Just that once.

Then Rose had to go and convince him to invite Captain Jack along. Did she learn nothing from that idiot Adam?

Okay, the Doctor would admit that Jack seemed a hair brighter than Mister Holeinhishead. But just a hair. He did not like the way the pretty boy captain looked at Rose. For that matter, he did not like the way pretty boy captain looked at him! But the Doctor would give him a chance because Rose asked him to. And he learned a long time ago that he's not very good at telling Rose no. Well, he did say it, but it never stuck.

It was several dances after having been saved from his doomed ship, that Jack announced he was tired and asked if there was a place for him to bunk. He'd originally asked if he could share a bed with one of his two new travelling companions, but was met with a scowl and a giggle from each respectively. The TARDIS (who seemed to just looove her newest passenger) kindly lead him to bedroom that was filled with every amenity he could possibly need. What Jack hadn't told the other two, who were still awake and dancing in the control room, was that he wasn't very sleepy at all. He was actually just tired of the unresolved sexual tension and if they weren't going to do anything about it... Well... He would just take matters into his own hands.

It was after he'd left that the Doctor and Rose stopped pretending to just dance. Their movements became slower, the way their bodies molded together, more precise. Every touch was intentional. There would be no tears this time. There would be no blame or apologies or confessions. There would be no tentative kisses on the cheek on head to test the waters.

It was immediate.

Later, there would be no need to recall who moved first. They knew that one moment they were looking into each other's eyes and the next it was lips on lips. Hands frantically mapping out the other's body. There were no suggestions to move to a more comfortable location. There were no words at all.

During the act, neither had a negative thought once. Not for one second did they think to stop. There was no regret. It wasn't until they both lay side by side on the cold grating of the control room, sated and panting for air, that the consequences of their actions fell upon them.

"Is this the part where you tell me this can never happen again."

"..."

"Cause I think we might be kidding ourselves."

"You know why we shouldn't."

"Do I?"

"We agreed-"

"And we've never been wrong before!"

"We agreed that it was for the best."

"How does it change anything?"

"It changes everything."

"Would we still travel together?"

"Yes."

"Would we still hold hands and be best mates?"

"Obviously."

"Then how does us shagging change anything?"

"Because it will make it so much worse when I lose you!"

"You're not going to lose me."

"I will."

"You won't."

"I lose everything I care about. Everything."

"And losing me now wouldn't hurt as bad because you don't care as much about me."

"You know that's not true."

"You're not making any sense."

"..."

"Is it because I'm human?"

"Of course not. Well, not completely."

"Oh my god, it is! It's because I'm just a stupid little ape! I'm not good enough for you!"

"It's not a matter of being good enough! In fact, I am not good enough for you! It's that our live spans don't match."

"..."

"I'm sorry that I'm hurting you."

"I'm sorry that you're hurting yourself."

"It really is for the best."

"Okay."

"You know I-"

"Sure."

"And this can never-"

"I'm going to stop you right there. I get it, yeah? Never again. Only this time, I mean it. This time it doesn't mean until next time. This time it means _Never. Again. _I just… I won't do this to myself anymore."

* * *

Of course, neither could predict what would happen next.

* * *

It was several weeks later and the Doctor and Rose were back to best friends who did not shag. Not since that night in the control room. Jack was none the wiser and the three ended up hitting it off brilliantly and made a fantastic trio. The Captain proved his worth to the Doctor by keeping Rose safe, while Rose kept both the boys safe in return. They were fantastic, and if the Doctor and Rose secretly missed each other in that physical way, well they never said it aloud.

Everything changed the night the Doctor told Rose they would be stopping off in present day Cardiff to let the TARDIS refuel at the Rift.

Rose saw an opportunity she couldn't pass up and immediately called Mickey under the guise of needing him to bring her her passport. In all reality, she needed to talk to him about their relationship. More so, she really just wanted to spend some time with him. She may not want to be with him in that way, but he has always been, and was still, one of her best mates. They'd been through so much together and she didn't want that to completely disappear just because she found a new life for herself.

She woke up that morning unusually cold.

She woke up that morning and found herself racing to the toilet.

She spent the next half hour emptying the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl.

It made zero sense. Rose hadn't been sick in ages, not since she'd stepped on board the TARDIS as a full time companion and the Doctor gave her a special shot that would keep her from catching any strange alien viruses they may accidentally encounter. She briefly thought it may have been food poisoning, but remembered the Doctor telling her the shot covered that as well, and it lasted five years! After a warm shower, and dressing in as many layers as she fashionably could to hold off the chill, she was feeling much better. In fact, she was starving! Shrugging it off, she went in search of some brekkie as she waited for Mickey's train to arrive from London.

It was much later that the three time travellers, plus Mickey, were wandering around Cardiff, looking for a place to eat. Passing the display window for a store called Top Shop, Jack left the group to go try on a pair of jeans he just had to have! Soon, Mickey and the Doctor both found themselves distracted in the electronics store next door. Sensing the perfect opportunity to pick up some personal items that were hard to come by when one travelled with males, Rose walked down the way and stopped off at the chemist's.

It was as she meandered down one of the aisles that Rose saw the item that changed everything.

She couldn't be.

Could she?

No.

Rose had taken her birth control faithfully since the time she'd been sixteen. Sure, she'd missed a few days when she first started travelling with the Doctor, but as soon as he'd returned her home she'd got a new prescription. She'd not missed one. Not once since they'd slept together. It wasn't possible.

It could never happen.

It could never ever happen.

But maybe she should buy a test... Just to be on the safe side.

Actually, maybe she should just buy three. That way if she... breaks… the first one. Or the second.

It was an fifteen minutes later, after racing back to the TARDIS with her purchases, that Rose's world officially change.

Positive.

Three positives.

He would leave her. She just knew it. Could you imagine? The man that scoffs at the mere mention of anything domestic, having a child? On the TARDIS? It wouldn't happen. It couldn't happen. Rose couldn't even imagine having a child! She'd never cared for kids. She had cousins and they were handfuls, thanks very much. And now she was going to have a baby of her own. Of course, she didn't have to. She'd wager that it was still early enough that the pregnancy could be... taken care of. She'd never do it though. Most especially when it was the Doctor's baby. He would no longer be the last of his kind. Well... maybe. She wasn't really sure how human or Time Lord the baby would be. But it would still be from the Doctor. A piece of him. At least when he left her, she'd always have that.

She'll have to get a job and a flat. Living with her mum and a baby would be out of the question. A job would be top priority though. Maybe Henricks was still hiring? Or maybe, if she was really lucky, she could get a hold of Harriet Jones and see if she knew of any job openings. Rose didn't know much about politics, but surely she could be someone's assistant. You wouldn't necessarily need A-levels for a job like that, would ya?

It was the chime of her mobile that dragged her away from those domestic thoughts. The boys had found a cafe to eat at and wanted her to meet them there. Pushing the tests in her pocket, Rose wrapped her scarf around her neck and headed off. She still had time before she absolutely needed to tell the Doctor. She'd wait until after they'd left Cardiff, that way, if and when he kicked her out of the TARDIS, he could at least drop her off in London.

Everything after that seemed to happen so quickly. Finding a Slitheen masquerading as the mayor of Cardiff and taking her prisoner in the TARDIS, walking with Mickey and discovering that he'd been seeing Trisha Delaney, fighting with Mickey (something she hadn't intended to happen), and then losing Mickey in the chaos of the crowds as a supposed earthquake rocked the streets. Once inside the TARDIS there was a moment of pure terror as Margaret's large green arm shot out and began choking Rose, her only thought about her unborn child. There was a moment when no one but the Doctor noticed three white sticks falling out of Rose's pocket as she grappled and gasped for air.

It was the moment when the heart of the TARDIS opened up that was the most frightening. The Doctor had ordered Jack and Rose to look away as Margaret disappeared in the golden glow and reverted back to merely an egg, but Rose couldn't resist the pull of the light. It was singing to her, calling to her. She could hear the Doctor screaming for her to stop, but it was too late. Everything went gold. And then black. When Rose opened her eyes, she was met with the sight of a frowning Doctor.

"That can never happen again."

"You always say that."

"..."

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"There was this singing, and then... nothing."

"You looked into the heart of the TARDIS. You absorbed the Time Vortex."

"And that's bad?"

"It was killing you!"

"What happened?"

"Don't know. You muttered something about seeing everything and forever, and then you just let it go."

"Oh. I'm okay now though, right?"

"You tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

"I know."

"How-"

"The tests fell out of your pocket."

"Oh."

"How long have you known?"

"I'd just found out right before I met you at the cafe."

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"Soon. I just wanted to wait as long as possible, I guess."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"You think I'm going to leave you?"

"I know you will."

"You know everything, do ya?"

"Doctor, I am having a baby. A baby! That is the ultimate piece in the puzzle called Being Domestic. I don't even know how it happened since I was on the pill."

"That may have been my fault."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm the last of my kind, you know that. Biologically speaking, I think my sperm may have neutralised the affects of the birth control so that my people could live on. In theory."

"Oh my god."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm keeping it. Just so you know. No matter what."

"And if I want to keep it too? If I want to keep you?"

"Do you though?"

"Yes."

"Do you really?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"We'll figure out a way to make this work."

"Fantastic!"

"But all... this... has to stop. All this nonsense with shagging and then not shagging, I can't do it. Either we're together in that or not. I'll stay with you and raise our baby with you, but I want the terms of our relationship to be clear. Yeah?"

In that moment, the Doctor did the only thing that made sense. He leaned forward and kissed Rose on the lips.

"The not shagging business? Never again."

"Never again."

* * *

It was seven months later that Rose uttered those words once more. She had been in labour for five hours and she was vowing to never put her body through this nonsense again. After this, the Doctor would have to find some way to control his super sperm, because she was never having another baby again.

It was another three hours later when she lay panting, her newborn son resting on her chest, that she considered taking back those words.

It was three years later when Peter Jack Tyler broke the Doctor's sonic screwdriver that the Doctor swore he would never have children again.

It was five seconds later when Rose laughed and told him too late.

Eight months later, Gwyneth Suzette Tyler was born with a full set of lungs and Peter decided that he never again wanted a little brother or sister.

* * *

Peter soon learned what happened when one said never again.

* * *

Many years, tears, and children later, the Doctor and Rose discovered that never again would they have to fear of being without one another. Apparently Rose's quick dalliance with the Time Vortex altered her biology and matched it with the Doctor's life span.

"Do you regret it?"

"Never."

"You're going to outlive your mum."

"I know. We'll deal with that when the time comes."

"It won't be easy."

"You never said life with you would be."

"I love you."

"Quite right too."

"Rose..."

"I love you too."

"How long are you going to stay with me?"

"Forever."

"Good. I can't handle all eight of the sprogs on my own."

"Shut up. Anyway, it will only be eight sprogs for seven more months."

"..."

"Surprise."

"I'll never been alone again."

"Never again."

"And it is going to be... Fantastic."

* * *

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